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I'll Be Fine

by John Louis

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dapaul
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dapaul The passion in John Louis’s voice is the most refreshing part of my year. This record tells a story that is honest, raw, and vulnerable. The different phases of a relationship and the breakup is something everyone can relate to, especially when it’s your first love. I can’t get enough of this debut album and this is a project you can tell has so much dedication and collaboration. All the hours of hard work paid off for every single song, truly the best record of the year. Favorite track: In Stride.
matttwells
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matttwells Caught this track on a Facebook sponsored ad and fully fell down the rabbit hole. One of the most tightly-written, well-produced tracks I've heard this year, highly recommended. Favorite track: The South.
Joel Drzycimski
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Joel Drzycimski If you, like me, grew up on a healthy diet of mid-00s Tooth and Nail, you'll love this album. Favorite track: Everything I Need.
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    Get all 5 Despicable Records releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of American Spirit, Before I Was Fine, I'll Be Fine (Instrumental), Playoff Run, and I'll Be Fine. , and , .

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1.
(April 3rd) 00:57
Soft sound, you turn around Eyes locked, you pull me to the edge Maybe I should turn and run away from this But I don’t, and I won’t...
2.
My head feels light I lost a lot of blood since last night I was cowering in her cold memory You look good tonight My heart’s got a hole and you’d fit just right If you could patch me up, I just might get some sleep Deep in your eyes, I’m reeling You’re proof my heart’s still beating This time, I know for sure You’re what I’ve waited for Feels like you’re everything I need Have I had a bit too much? I think someday you’ll be my bride Dive into the abyss, my love Confess your darkest sins tonight Run through that open door Just like I’ve done before Your heart’s so reckless and lovely (Feels like you’re everything) I wanna know you better I wanna treat you right I wanna pull you closer I wanna feel alive Run through that open door You’ll leave me wanting more I’ll make you perfect in my dreams (Feels like you’re everything)
3.
For Now 03:32
Sleeping on your couch I wake to find you’ve rolled away and pull you back to me Kiss you on the mouth You open up your pale blue eyes And I can barely breathe as you say good morning If I could freeze this spot in time I’d never have to tell myself, “Slow down.” And I could live there in my mind ‘Cause, love, you make me feel like I’ll be alright We’ll be just fine for now You leave your door unlocked And say to come by after dark so we can be alone You tell me not to knock Your roommates will be fast asleep And they don’t need to know What are we doing? Oh no... Every late night, every “Baby, this feels so right.” Every time I kiss your cheek Every long drive, every “You make me feel alive.” Everything is a part of me Every hard fight, every “We’re just wasting our time.” Every time I’m losing sleep Every drunk call, every “You don’t know me at all.” Everything is a part of me
4.
(I'm Sorry) 01:22
My love, I miss your place The secret nights, those blissful days The way you’d smile and kiss my face Say you love me - do you love me? I’m sorry things have been so hard I hate to be so far apart I know I shouldn’t play this card, but I miss you... Do you miss me? ‘Cause, baby, you’re distant and I’m worried...
5.
Worth It 03:34
She cut her long hair off to her ears She said, “I’m ready for change.” I took the long way driving her home Hoping to buy myself some time beside her “I need a real man, honey. Make some real plans.” Echoing in my head I wanna know what’s dragging her down I hope to God she doesn’t change her mind Honey, you’re worth it Looking for a heartbeat, caught up in a whirlwind Baby, I’m nervous Looking in your wide eyes, you’re one in a million I grew my short hair down to my lips; the way she likes it Hoping appearance is enough to keep the wheels turning Makes me wonder, “Is just my beating heart enough?” I came out swinging like I’m trying to start a fire With some branches and some gasoline Hope like a phoenix in the night, we’ll arise Lighting up what we could be I’m feeling like a smoking gun You tell me everything is fine But don’t you try and save face, love We both know I can read your mind And with the embers slowly burning down I’m reminded that love is blind And in my favorite t-shirt, you kiss me like the first time If you can believe me Struggle through the riptide, fight my way to your side Chasing that feeling Looking in your bright eyes Make me wanna change; I wanna be worth it ‘Cause, honey, you’re worth it
6.
The South 03:35
Baby, I could take you with me; let’s escape to the south No, we don’t have any money, but we’ll figure it out When you say that leaving puts a bad taste in your mouth To be straight, I don’t know what you’re even talking about It was the summer of ‘16 I called you up, said I’d be there in a few I rang your doorbell, you kissed me I wished that moment would last an hour or two Remember back when we both were happy? I swear if it kills me, I’ll take us there again My love, I don’t mean to be so black and white But there’s a simple solution ‘Cause I know you and I know your restless heart I could save you if we weren’t so far apart I had a dream that your heart died Woke up to watch it become reality It makes you nauseous when men cry I left the room so you could stomach the sight of me Remember when all we talked about was love? Back when I saved up and bought that diamond ring? Believe me, darling, I can’t stand waking up Miles apart, chasing different things Honey, if I had the time, I’d take us back to the start But I know that’s not what you want and it tears me apart When you say I need to take the time to figure you out To be straight, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about
7.
Ready to Go 03:09
I found an untouched city with some brand new streets I’ve got your bags packed, baby, but you’re dragging your feet I wanna give you everything you need I didn’t think the hardest thing for you to chase would be me I’ve known about you all my life You’ve known about me just as long Explain to me why you’re not fine with me to belong Get ready to go, my love I’m ready to know our new life Get ready to go, my love This isn’t a home ‘til you’re by my side Oh, my love, get ready to go Oh, Mer, your house is like a tomb Inside your eyes, I see it all I see the bare walls in your room I see the boxes down the hall I see the chain around your neck I see the stud in your front yard I see the wanderlust inside I know who you are You look at me the way you did when we first met Remember the way my lips felt on your forehead I’m holding out my hand, I pray you take it I’m reaching it out to you
8.
Smoke 03:19
I never said that I was bulletproof Not sure what you expected I guess I was destined to lose I’m bleeding out under the crescent moon tonight I always thought I was enough for you When did that change? ‘Cause I was sure I was the one you would choose I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do I was an oak, you were a flame Burn me up again, burn me up again Set my heaving heart ablaze Take me home again, take me home again My shivering bones could use some solace from the cold You were my fire, you are my smoke Honey, we’re running out of oxygen Blow out that candle; I don’t think you realize what you’re doing Don’t waste the air with any useless words...“I love you.” It’s gonna take some time before I’m fine In my head, I’m in your room Your sheets smell of your perfume My clothes look better on you Strike a match, spray your aerosol Burn down this house and take it all Melt me down to a skeleton I’ll always want your touch again
9.
(Darling) 01:35
Don’t you know you’re killing me, darling with everything you do? I’ve thought about it - there has never been a time where I’ve been this way to you And after all is lost, you got in all your shots I hope that you can take a bird’s-eye view And see through this facade of all the things we’re not And I hope I recognize you...
10.
Tell me you’re sorry Tell me it wasn’t intentional Tell me my feelings don’t matter at all and I’m fine Tell me about how things will be different Tell me you’ll change everything to stay mine Oh, put your walls up, try to knock mine down I’m so distant now, you should’ve known I’m a fighter but I don’t make a sound I am dead on the ground because I was blind to your guns aiming at me You stood by me, stoic, watching me bleed And I can’t believe that your eyes were dry I was a fool, then I should’ve known that a wedding ring only made arguments sting that much worse in the night Take all my time, then Take all the money I have and use it to attend to my bride Whatcha after? If I don’t matter to you, peel out fast - I won’t follow you Take it off, throw it down, walk away Tell me how you’re gonna take your own life “Love you, baby. Goodbye.” I’ll be fine Wish I knew from the start how you’d tear out my heart Did you know you were lying? Did you play the part to be mine? I’ll be fine Your hands haunt me, tell me what we could be But your eyes prove to me you are not what I need And I can’t believe that your eyes were dry
11.
Without You 04:03
I’m on the ropes, praying for something better I’m sick of feeling alone; brandish that scarlet letter You thought you could fix me But I wasn’t broken at all And I thought you would wise up But I got sick of waiting for you Bet you expected I would be back by now With open arms, open arms You cut me every time that you took me down And left me scarred, left me scarred I wish I had known right from the moment I met you I’d feel more alone with you than without you I’m catching glimpses of you in every dream I’m having And so I don’t go to sleep unless I’m drunk and it’s becoming a habit You told me you’d hold me Then locked me in the hall outside your room I thought you were my one true love But I was falling for you way too soon We fall into the trap that we set for ourselves But we’re blind to the truth, acting like we never fell Why do we never learn that love can lead us astray? We just chase what we want while what we need fades away I meant it when I said that you had my heart But you went too far; we went too far
12.
Spent 05:40
If only the drinks understood what I’ve been through If only my attempts to blot you out didn’t hurt my health If only I learned how to love what I died to Then maybe I’d learn how to hate what I do to myself ‘Cause I remember trips we took like we just got home yesterday I revisit our old pictures like the headstone on our grave I remember gifts I gave you on your birthday at the beach The engraving on your watch that marked our anniversary When does the healing start? How long do I have to feel this low? Why don’t I protect my heart? I can’t remember ever feeling so alone Why doesn’t God show His face when I need Him to? I wish I had the strength to ask Him where He went ‘Cause then maybe He’d welcome me home, like a father would And maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here, oh, so spent ‘Cause I remember back in Sunday school that He was in control So I confessed Him with my mouth but that was fourteen years ago I remember nights when I would cry alone beneath the moon Oh, if only I could find the strength to ask Him, “Where were You?” If only I’d seen how you looked when I told you That I wouldn’t leave you no matter how dark it got Then maybe I’d have seen it coming, my lover Maybe I’d have avoided becoming somebody I’m not
13.
(It's Done) 02:47
You called me late last night And your voice took me back in time To when I had made up my mind that I loved you God, I miss you We talked for how long? Heaven knows And when you did put down your phone I listened to the dial tone for a long time Like it was my lifeline And I should have let you leave your name And called you back some other day When I was feeling closer to a man who’s not in love with you Oh, I swear to God, I’d have spared you if I knew That we’d fall apart and take opposing views As hard as you try to claim I’ve lost my mind, I’m sticking to my guns And it breaks my heart, but when it’s done, it’s done
14.
In Stride 04:25
When the nights get long and I’ve thought circles ‘round you When I don’t feel strong, I collapse; I break in two It’s like I’m holding on to a red-hot iron ladder I know I can’t let go; I need to just move faster Wish I could just go faster I think it’s time I redefine this heartache as biding my time If I can tell myself I’m better off, I might believe it I wonder why I run and hide from bitter ghosts I recognize This time, I’ll hold my head up This time, I’ll take it all in stride Guess I misunderstood all the things I had to do To make you care about me, to make me worth something to you I put in all the hours, I tried to stay inside the lines For thieves and snakes around my neck Saying it’s my fault that I’m not fine It’s your fault that I’m not fine sometimes Someday soon I’ll see myself ten thousand feet above the rain See how I carried you around until I broke beneath the weight And I’ll take a part of you with me - forever feel your arid eyes But I’ll throw your baggage off my back and I’ll leave my brokenness behind

about

Album annotations available at:
genius.com/albums/John-louis/Ill-be-fine

credits

released April 3, 2020

John Schwallie - guitars, bass, vocals, programming
Benjamin Mariano - drums & percussion, programming, vocals

Recorded and mixed at Despicable House in Nashville, TN
Produced, engineered, and mixed by Benjamin Mariano
Co-produced by John Schwallie
Additional engineering by D. Shay and Shane Followay
Edited by Benjamin Mariano, Shane Followay, and John Schwallie
Production and mix consulting by J. Hall
Mastered by Mike Cervantes at The Foxboro

Photography by Faith Benson and Kelsey Thomas
Creative design by JD Laird and Benjamin Mariano

©2020 DESPICABLE RECORDS, a subsidiary of
DESPICABLE COMPANY, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Unauthorized reproduction is a violation of applicable laws.

special thanks to:
Jordan Steinhauser, Brian Thompson, and Warren Pettit for letting us borrow gear to make this project happen. Geoff Guthrie for doing our guitar setups, the late Rick Elias for his wisdom and encouragement in both songwriting and life in general. Warren Pettit (again) and the rest of the Contemporary Music Center community for your support
throughout this process.

John would like to thank:
My parents, first and foremost, for always encouraging me to pursue my dreams and aim high. Warren Pettit, Luke DeJaynes, the late Rick Elias, and the rest of the CMC staff for seeing something in me, helping me grow, and providing a safe space to be vulnerable at the beginning of this journey. Jordan Steinhauser and Andrew van Wert, for your endless support and friendship. I can’t wait to play these songs with you all over the country (or world?). Ethan Bennett, for all your encouragement and for keeping me grounded throughout the creative process. Allison Lahrman, for being a sounding board in the early writing days and for pushing back when you thought I could do better. To Morgan Miller, Libby Frees, and Hank Link, for lending your voices to this project - it wouldn’t sound nearly as good without you. To Stephanie Fleming, for teaching me from an early age that there’s
always something more to learn and there are no wrong ways to express yourself musically. To Dr. Jonathan Brooks, for showing me that the world of classical music overlaps with the world of pop and rock music far more than I realized. You really opened a door for me
creatively and I haven’t looked back. FINALLY (best for last), Benjamin Mariano - from the start you saw something in me and took a chance. Thank you for believing in me and supporting me through the most difficult season of my life so far. This project would be nowhere near as cohesive and larger-than-life without your hours of dedication and hard work. I can’t thank you enough for taking this journey with me and always pushing me to get better.

Benjamin would like to thank:
John, of course, for trusting me with your art and allowing me the privilege to realize your musical vision and dream up this whole thing alongside you. My entire family - but my parents, first and foremost, for always supporting me and my crazy dreams - I love you all to death! Shane, Morgan, Jordan, AVW, and all the other friends who cheered us on while we figured out how to make a ‘real record’ for the first time - I can’t thank you all enough. Will Strowe and Tony Ortiz-Potter - thank you for being my first recording buddies - I cherish those times more than you’ll ever know! To the CMC crew - staff and alumni included - you brought this crew together to a large extent and we owe you the world - thank you for everything. To everyone else at Malone who helped me hone my skills (Dave Seymour, Erik Hansen, Jake Peters, JD Laird, etc) - thank you for being patient with me - y’all rock. To our post-production team (J.Hall + Mike Cervantes) - thank you for meeting us where we were at and taking our little indie project to another level - you both have taught us so much and we are SO much better for it. And finally, thank you to God for allowing all of these quality humans into my life to some capacity, and for the opportunity to experience the joy of making music.

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