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Before I Was Fine

by John Louis

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1.
Something in the way that you look at me is saying This is probably a bad idea But every fiber of my body wants to look you in the eye And tell you all the things that got us here Just because you’re honest with me doesn’t mean a thing If you turn around and shut the door But any way you spin it makes it obvious to me That you’re everything I want and more I want you more With your hand in mine Drop your walls down It’s your heart on the line And I’ll take good care of it Ready when you’re ready Hold it softly, hold it steady Oh, your heart’s well out of reach Trembling is a symptom of a passion deep inside Come on, let your love go free Hold me in your vision ‘til your eyes see nothing else And your heart begins to speak ‘Cause never in my life has someone made me want so bad To simply practice what I preach With pride before the fall I often wonder how I stand at all But you see through to my soul I’m broken, but you could make me whole Come on, honey Yeah, I was only 20 Come on, honey Let me take care of you Come on, honey And now it’s 2020 Come on, honey Let me take care of you
2.
Cloud Nine 04:03
My head feels light I lost a lot of blood since last night I was cowering in her cold memory You look good tonight My heart’s got a hole and you’d fit just right If you could patch me up, I just might get some sleep This time I’ll do things different This time I’ve got my head on right Don’t stop to think about it Love, you are mine tonight Deep in your eyes, I’m reeling I wanna know you better I wanna treat you right You're proof my heart's still beating I wanna pull you closer I wanna feel alive Your hand in mine I can’t see straight, this must be cloud nine Or maybe I’ve just had too much to drink And I’m feeling fine You pull me close, we move in half-time Let me be the one to sweep you off your feet This time I’ll hold my head up This time I’ll try to do what’s right Dive headlong into the abyss Confess my sins tonight I wanna know you better I wanna treat you right I wanna pull you closer I wanna feel alive
3.
Young Love 03:31
I think my heart stopped I feel the seconds pass I knew I wanted her love When I looked up from my glass Isn't it such a shame how she gets stuck in my head? I'm like a moth to the flame She pulled me in and she said “I wasn't looking for someone, Just trying to feel. I wasn't looking for answers, Just trying to heal. Baby, I'm feeling alone tonight We could turn out the lights And I could show you a good time…” She's got a bad idea And I'm thinking the same Got her hair undone And she's calling my name One touch, giving into the pressure Young love doesn't know any better I'm just her new complication It's all a little too much Now I've got a bad reputation I'm trying hard to keep up I'm always looking for someone Just trying to feel Maybe I'll look for some answers Start trying to heal She said, "I'm all on my own tonight. Won't you turn out the lights And let me ease into your mind?" It's not that complicated I think I'm falling for you Burning stars in your eyes; Such a beautiful view Speed limit's overrated Let's throw this baby in drive I've never felt so alive Headstrong, naive, under pressure Young love doesn't know any better There's no letting go since I met her Young love doesn't know any better
4.
Don’t you know you’re killing me, darling With everything you do? I’ve thought about it There has never been a time where I’ve been this way to you And after all is lost You got in all your shots Hope you can see through this facade Of all the things we’re not And I hope I recognize you...
5.
Tell me you're sorry Tell me it wasn't intentional Tell me my feelings don't matter at all And I'm fine Tell me about how Things will be different Tell me you'll change everything to stay mine To stay mine Oh, put your walls up Try to knock mine down I'm so distant now You should've known I'm a fighter But I don't make a sound I am dead on the ground because I was blind to your guns Aiming at me At me You stood by me, stoic Watching me bleed And I can't believe That your eyes were dry I was a fool, then I should've known that a wedding ring Only made arguments Sting that much worse in the night Take all my time, then Take all the money I have And use it to attend to my bride Whatcha after? If I don't matter to you Peel out fast I won't follow you Take it off Throw it down Walk away Tell me how you're gonna take your own life "Fuck you, baby. Goodbye" I'll be fine Wish I knew from the start How you'd tear out my heart Did you know you were lying? Did you play the part to be mine? I'll be fine Your hands haunt me Tell me what we could be What we could be But your eyes prove to me You are not what I need And I can't believe That your eyes were dry
6.
I'm on the ropes Praying for something better I'm sick of feeling alone Brandish that scarlet letter You thought you could fix me But I wasn't broken at all And I thought you would wise up But I got sick of waiting for you Bet you expected I would be back by now With open arms Open arms You cut me every time that you took me down And you left me scarred Left me scarred Yeah, I wish I had known Right from the moment I met you I'd feel more alone With you Than without you I'm catching glimpses of you In every dream I'm having And so I don't go to sleep Unless I'm drunk And it's becoming a habit You told me you'd hold me Then locked me in the hall outside your room I thought you were my one true love But I was falling for you way too soon We fall into the trap That we set for ourselves But we're blind to the truth Acting like we never fell Why do we never learn That love can lead us astray? We just chase what we want While what we need fades away I meant it when I said that you had my heart But you went too far We went too far

about

A companion piece to "I'll Be Fine" (2020), including previously-unfinished B-sides and rare demos.

credits

released April 3, 2021

John Schwallie - guitars, bass, vocals, programming
Benjamin Mariano - drums & percussion, programming, vocals

Produced and mixed by Benjamin Mariano, except track 4 produced and mixed by John Schwallie
Co-produced by John Schwallie
Mastered by Mike Cervantes at The Foxboro (tracks 1-3) and Benjamin Mariano (track 4-6)

Photography by Faith Benson
Creative design by Benjamin Mariano and John Schwallie

©2021 DESPICABLE RECORDS, a subsidiary of
DESPICABLE COMPANY, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Unauthorized reproduction is a violation of applicable laws.

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